Colors Through The Wound

Dreams are crafted for those who dare to pursue them, even through the darkest times and deepest despair. But what of those whose dreams were shattered before they even had the chance to voice them? What happens when the remnants of those dreams turn into haunting echoes? Have you ever felt the ghost of a dream lingering, reminding you of what could have been?

The Morning Of A Bright Friday- 

“Jasmine, wake up! You know it, all I asked for throughout the week is a Friday from you. And as per your promise, you agreed to owe me all the remaining Fridays you now have, until the contract does us apart.”

“Ugh!!! Faza, what time is it?”

“I will say one more time, my love, it’s Friday. So, get up. Otherwise, I won’t mind bringing a bottle of water.”

“Faza, give me five more minutes, please. I will wake up.”

Faza opened the windows and doors. She let all the lights seep into each corner of the room.

“Faza, people say they hate Mondays, right? They should meet you. Fridays won’t be their happiest moment of the week, either.”

“Shush now, Jasmine. Focus. Hold my hand and try to move steadily. Moreover, don’t be a crybaby. I have to deal with you for the remaining 6 days. Let my day be peaceful.”

“What are we doing today?”

“How many times were you informed about what you will do on a Friday?”

“You should be gentle with me and care about me, Faza. Do you know that?”

“And you should behave and not be a brat. Do you know that? Every time we are a step closer, there we are three steps behind again, because you don’t trust me or talk to me. You don’t even let me help you.”

All her mind could rekindle right at this very moment was what she wrote last night. “Faza, I told you… I ruined everything.”

(Late night’s entry)

Friday, 20th October 2023         01:45 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Sleep clings only to darkness, mirroring my life. I feel empty, with voids inside me that cannot be filled. Nameless tombstones mark where my dreams once lay, never claimed. Life continues, with people losing themselves over those who aren’t worth it.

Everything in my life had been unraveling. It started with my soul, then my body, and now I’ve lost the will to live. I’ve felt moments of complete darkness and nothingness that swell in my heart, only to shatter everything inside me in an instant. It hurts to sleep and then wake up to find I’m still alive, trapped in a cycle of emptiness.

Then I met Faza. She brought a change I never expected. I never dared to hope for a life that could heal me. Faza’s impact was like a pearl necklace, a precious gift from God, shielding me from the hollowness that consumes me. She is my lucky charm, something I never had and never imagined having. Faza is my white light.

It was a late, unknown autumn when I met her—the kind of autumn I never thought I’d experience, one I never deserved. My beautiful caretaker, Faza, helped me embrace every moment of it.

2 Years Ago–

It was yet another mundane day, or so I thought. Little did I know it would be a day etched into memory, like forgetting to turn off the stove or not securing your sister’s seat belt—moments that change everything. The day I became the sole survivor, the last person standing in a life I never dreamed of.

Independence was my goal, but this is not independence. This is the life of an orphan.

I replay that school day over and over in my mind, caught in a black hole I can’t escape. It haunts me like a monster under my bed.

It was my turn to make breakfast and drive my sister to school. Who knew I’d soon be identifying my parents’ bodies? Our house had burned down, and my sister was left unaware of the horror. My mind was in chaos, filled with images of melting plastics, blazing curtains, and wooden furniture reduced to ash. I was lost in the aftermath—was it a gas leak, a short circuit, or something else?

Then came the crash—our car collided with an electricity pole. I was later told my sister didn’t survive; she died instantly.

Since then, I’ve been left as a broken, legless shadow of who I once was.

Friday Afternoon-

While Faza was wheeling her out of the apartment…

“Jasmine, we are going to the park.”

“And I thought we were done with all these outings once that ugly frown was off your face.”

“Don’t worry, Faza. I am your torment. You knew what you were signing up for.”

Silence settled between them until they reached their destination.

Holding onto the fragments of memories she blamed herself for, Jasmine finally zoned out when…

Faza gently took her hands and handed her a bowl.

“These are random dried leaves.”

“Look at them again. What color are they?”

“Um… yellow…”

“These are your memories. The leaves aren’t just yellow; they are golden and yellow. You can’t meet those you’ve lost, but what you shared with them will always be etched in your mind, no matter how many autumns of golden-yellow leaves come and go. Your memories can never be erased, my love. It was a tragedy, and it still haunts you. You lost everything by the time the medicines wore off. But you can’t dwell in the darkness and then expect peace when you’re with me. Get Mr. Frown away—you may deny it, but you talk in your sleep, and I hear you. Not everything is black and white. You have to look out, my love. There’s so much more in the world. Look at the sky; it’s clear now, but when it’s about to rain, it shows so many colors. Sometimes it appears gray, but that doesn’t mean it won’t change. There will still be sunsets and dawns. Days change, and so do moments. 

Golden teaches you to cherish precious moments. Blue teaches you to find calm and tranquility amid chaos. Red reminds you of the passion and strength within you. Purple symbolizes the wisdom and dignity you gain through experience. 

Take all the time you need. Hold on to the tragedy—it hurts, but it will start to heal you. Don’t just see black and white; explore your yellow, golden, blue, gray, red, purple, and every color you can find in this lifetime, my love.”

“Faza, thankyou for articulating the purpose of all these colours, but you do not need to say more than that, you are my white light, you knows how to separate the colors for me, afterall you are doing all this from last 2 years. Your existence has made me realise my own existence through the process of healing”.